I know this is a very controversial topic and I want to start by saying I’m writing on my personal experience with antidepressants. However, everyone is built differently and responds to medications differently. Please, listen to your body.

I’ve spoken about my experience with anxiety and depression here and here. It’s something I started to live with when I started college and only grew worse once I graduated.

I was put on anti-depressants (10 mg Lexapro to be exact) my sophomore year in college. Unfortunately it did absolutely nothing for me.

Since the medication wasn’t working, my anxiety got me thinking that my symptoms weren’t anxiety after all, but something worse. This threw me into a whirl wind of medical tests, an epilepsy diagnoses and even more anxiety.

I lived with an epilepsy diagnoses for 7 months before I got my second opinion and found out it was all a misdiagnoses. In those 7 months, I was put on powerful medication (that I didn’t need), my driver’s license was revoked, and I was bedridden for a month due to the side effects of the meds.

Turns out it was anxiety all along.

Now, at this point I was very against antidepressant. I mean, hell it didn’t work for me and threw me on a seven month gruesome path that could have easily been avoided.

After my misdiagnoses, I took a break from seeking treatment. I was tired, fatigued, and my medical bills were getting embarrassing from visiting so frequently.

I graduated college and fell into the biggest depression of my life. I thought my life was over.

In desperation I went to a psychiatrist and she put me on 10mg of Lexapro after I told her about my last experience on it. She reassured me that Lexapro usually works for everyone and it’s what she starts all of her patients with.

My anxiety and depression grew worse. I was scared to be alone. I felt out of control.

I got off the meds almost immediately.

I didn’t want to take drugs. In fact, I refused. I tried everything I could to feel better without it – Chinese herbal medicine, acupuncture, supplements, massages, therapy, yoga – you name it!

After 3 months of spending all of my savings on a holistic approach. I grew desperate again.

I went to a different psychiatrist – we connected on a spiritual level so I knew I was on the right path. She prescribed me Zoloft. After one day, my panic attacks stopped, after two days I was able to go to a job interview and didn’t feel any anxiety, after one to two months my depression became less and less.

My life was back. I had absolutely no side effects. Zoloft saved my life.

Now – I do not use medication as a crutch. I still take preventative measure holistically to keep my mental health at bay. I think that is super important to know. However, I still take a small dose of Zoloft everyday.

I still cry, I still get emotional, I laugh and I laugh a lot, and I have feelings. I don’t feel like a zombie, I feel like myself again and I haven’t felt that way in 5 years!!

There is a huge stigma against antidepressants.

I’m not a doctor or medical professional of any sort, but the stigma behind using medication for mental illness needs to stop. It has saved so many lives, including myself.

Yes, it took a lot to get here. But that’s because my body is different. Your body is different. You will respond differently than mine. So, please listen to your body. If you need help, seek help.