It didn’t come easy to me: My Journey to Health Part 2

{Hey babes! If you haven’t had the chance to read My Journey to Health Part 1, find it here.}


Fear. Anxiety. Tingly Sensations. Dizziness. Blurred Vision. Trouble Concentrating.

These symptoms were not going away. Struggling to come to terms with my Neurologists diagnoses of “exhaustion”, I could NOT stop researching all of my symptoms and was almost confident I had something wrong with my brain.

On the outside, it looked like I had it all together. Yes, I was really skinny, but most people who know me still have no idea my health was in jeopardy.

In the meantime, I was seeing a personal trainer who was also a nutritionist who would weigh me every Sunday, have me jot down in a notebook what I ate during the day, and had me on a strict workout schedule (bootcamp 6x a week) to keep me accountable.

& holy shit was I S O R E.

I remember being scared shitless of eating more food. I would check my thigh gap every morning in the mirror. If my thighs were close to touching, I would panic and immediately think “EAT LESS!”

It was a constant battle in my head. However, I trusted my personal trainer and I was scared my symptoms would get worse so I kept at her eating schedule she had me on. Her schedule had me eat a meal every 3 hours. Breakfast – snack – lunch – snack – dinner.  (I still do this and love it!)


My body had improved a little by the time I got back to school for fall semester. My period finally came back. I went from 100lbs to 110lbs. I was still pretty skinny, but gained some muscle. SO many people were complimenting me & wanting to know who my trainer was. I became addicted to the results.

I grew obsessed with working out. I thought if I skip a work out, I would lose all of my muscle (WRONG). I thought if I skipped a workout, I would get fat….

My mind was still not healthy.


I got my boobs done. I was flat as a board and it only made me look skinnier. My bones literally popped out of my chest so I vouched for the more natural look and got small B’s. (I’ll write about my experience later!)

The procedure made me have to rest. I was forced to do absolutely nothing for one month. No driving, no working out, no lifting etc. At first, I was so fricken scared of what I was going to look like after a month of not working out. I was so nervous that my mind would take me back to my old habits of starving myself.

But, I didn’t. Instead, I indulged. I binged. I rested, and I felt a little nervous but overall happy about it.

This procedure weirdly helped me mentally. I gained a few more pounds and allowed myself to let go. (Woah!)

However, my symptoms of blurred vision, tingly sensations, feelings like I was going to have another seizure were still there. (Its been 6 months!!!)


I was finally able to workout again! My trainer was getting way too expensive to keep up with so I got into bodybuilding. I would search fitness models on Youtube and copy their workouts & meals. I learned how to lift weights properly, what the hell macros were, how to track your macros and found out that you had to eat MORE to lose weight. (Another thing that saved my life – I’ll write a post on all of this later!)

Working out was my medicine. It helped relieve my weird symptoms and gave me some peace of mind.

I now weighed 115lbs.


I decided to try the Dr thing again since my symptoms were still there. Like this could NOT be “exhaustion” anymore. I’ve practically changed my whole life around.

I went to a new Family Dr, told her what I was feeling 24/7, and she quickly diagnosed me with generalized anxiety. She gave me some Lexapro like it was nothing and I was on my way out.

The Lexapro was not working. It made everything worse.

Crying, begging for my life back, feeling like I had no control. I couldn’t workout. I felt like giving up. I was hopeless, depressed and stuck in bed, scared that I was going to be dealing with these symptoms for the rest of my life.


I went in for a couple more appointments. I had an EEG done to record the electrical activity in my brain, an EKG test to check my heart, and an MRI done on my brain.

I got a call the next week- they had found something. I was diagnosed with Mesial Temporal Sclerosis (AKA a form of epilepsy) on the right side of my brain.

They told me to come in 6 months later to test for a brain tumor….

(To be continued)

Read Part 3 (here)






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