Relationship advice: To move in or not move in

I get asked this question A LOT…. Especially since I just moved people automatically assume, Trevor and I moved in together. 

SPOILER ALERT: We did not 🙂

They ask, “Are you living with Trevor?” or when I tell them I’m not, they ask, “When are you and Trevor going to move in together?” 

I mean I can totally see why …we have been together for 5 years!

It’s kind of the next step, right?

There’s a long list of reason why I don’t want to move in with a boyfriend in my early 20’s. Here’s why:

I want to learn how to be truly independent for the first time in my life. 

Think about it, more likely than not you are completely dependent on your parents until you are 18 years old. But again, more likely than not, it doesn’t stop there. 

Then comes college, yes, I have college loans, but my parents were financially supporting me A LOT when it came to food, rent, books, school supplies, sorority life, etc. Every case is different, this is just mine. 

But, long story short, to be completely independent from your parents doesn’t start until your 22 or 23…sometimes 24 years old or later. 

To go from being dependent on your parents to being dependent on your boyfriend just didn’t seem fitting to me. And let me explain what I mean about being dependent on your boyfriend… I don’t mean him paying your bills, I mean relying on him to be home, morphing your early 20’s with another person’s life and not knowing who you really are because your so used to being with someone else all of the time. That’s dependence, too. 

When was I going to learn how to be completely on my own? When was I going to find the time to learn about myself?  

Why rush?

Trevor and I both know it’s going to happen anyways, so why rush it? I know what you’re thinking…. because you need to know if you can live with him! I don’t see like that. I see living on your own is a time that helps you learn and prepare to live with your significant other. We are both actively growing and changing…hello we are in our 20’s! It’s a time of HUGE maturity. How we live now, is going to change as we mature. So let’s mature into independence before jumping into something that we are premature for. 

Maybe I’m selfish?

Yeah, I said it. 

I want my space. I don’t want the added responsibilities of living with your significant other. I don’t want to do more laundry, make his lunches for work or compromise on décor. 

I’m just figuring out how to find time doing all of those responsibilities for myself… 

I love coming home and just being able to do whatever I want without telling anyone. Even if that means shutting the door and just being alone.

I love being alone and not having to talk to anyone.

I want to take this time to JUST be boyfriend and girlfriend

I feel like there is a time and place for everything. Trevor and I are really enjoying this period of life…being boyfriend and girlfriend. We have grown so much not only in our relationship, but personally, too! Living on our own has given us so much time to not only focus on our careers, side hustles, and ourselves, but most importantly, it makes our time we spend together so much more meaningful. 

Our spark is still alive, and it’s been five years.

My advice:

Don’t rush

Enjoy every period of life

Everything will happen for you when the time is right.

Shylah May

Side note: this is just what feels right to me! It works for my relationship, but everyone is different. It’s your life, baby!

Read Trevor’s Relationship advice here!

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