You need to love yourself first

February – the month of love. The month of loving yourself. Instead of dreading the shit out of this month because your single or you may have high expectations of what your BF/GF/WIFEY/HUBBY will surprise you with for the 14th or you may even just not give a damn either way. I want you to turn the focus of love around to you babes this month. Put yourself first and see what good it does for you and your life in return.

You need to love yourself first before you can truly be happy, be confident with yourself, be clear on who you are and what your purpose is, and before you can love someone else. (Yup…I went there.)

I get it, I’m 22 years old…almost 23. What the hell do I know about love?!

I will tell you.

Freshman year in college, I partied… all of the time. (We all did, it’s college!) I attended all of the events, didn’t skip a beat and tried to make friends with everyone. I became a huge people pleaser. However, I realized I started to get FOMO if I missed literally anything. Like straight up anxiety. What if people won’t like me anymore? What if my relationships with my friends suffer and they replace me with other friends? What if people forget about me?

Silly thoughts…I know. I’m embarrassed to even type this. But, that’s kind of what FOMO is. You fear you will miss out on the memories with your besties because when they talk about them, you will be left out.

These events are what made me happy and I depended on them. When I was home alone at night… I felt kind of sad being alone, anxious and could not figure out why.

I knew I wouldn’t find a guy at these events or at the parties, because everyone was hammered and one nights stands are just not my thing. But that kind of was also another reason why I went out…like a lot. It was the thrill of “potentially” finding a relationship. I know my girlfriends can relate – aka bars/clubs/going out… you name it! You go out to flirt, let go, destress, forget your worries for an hour or two and pretend to be happy!

Beginning of my sophomore year is when I started to really heal my health, focus on myself and not on all of my worries, I started to feel at peace with being alone, less anxious and began skipping the parties. I’m not saying I was anti-social, I just started to hang out with inspiring people, who were active and talked about their goals, passions and life.  When I started loving myself, my mindset changed…and I fell in love.

Here’s how I started to love myself:
  1. I found a routine (This is MAJOR)
  2. I joined a bootcamp class that kicked my ass every morning and stuck to it 6x a week
  3. I ate a lot, but it was all healthy, whole foods
  4. I made goals and worked my ass off to accomplish them
  5. I only went out once during the weekend and didn’t drink to get drunk…just fashionably buzzed
  6. I limited my alcohol to two-three drinks a week (now I rarely drink!)
  7. I stopped focusing all of my attention on social media (UNPLUG – Super important)
  8. I made plans with girlfriends during the day
  9. I talked about my future
  10. I worked out outside and spent a lot of time outdoors

I seriously swear by this. Once I did all of the above, I started to really value myself and see what others saw in me and eventually what my BF, Trevor sees in me.

To the girls who are ignoring their life and focusing on drama, finding the right boy and obsessing over what they look like. This is for you. It takes work to focus on yourself and love yourself like you love everyone else, but once you do, I guarantee you will be living your best, most happiest life. Sounds like a dream, right?

Literally babes, I thought I was going to be single for my entire life LOL and then I met Trevor. I was 19 years old. It was after my freshman year of college, when I took the summer to really find myself, heal my body and learn to love myself. (Read my health story here)

I’m surprised I didn’t scare him away with my routine TBH. LOL

No matter the circumstance, I would wake up at 4:30 AM, left him sleeping and went straight to my 5AM bootcamp every. damn. morning. I went to class after bootcamp, ran home to shower, got ready and then I went on my way to my internship. No one could hold me back and I especially did not want him too.

I did not depend on him for my happiness. I depended on myself first.

I picked up hobbies, started journaling, focused on relationships that were bettering me.

Trevor was hooked to say the least… hehe. He loved that I was so focused on bettering myself. In fact, he was inspired. Before I knew it, he was joining me on my 5 mile runs at 5 AM, eating the same healthy foods, and focusing more on school and less on stuff that didn’t matter.

Our love grew because we loved ourselves first. We didn’t try to make each other jealous, play games or anything like that because we are confident with ourselves and each other. We push each other to be the best we can be. If you are unhappy with yourself, you will attract toxic relationships. Think about it.

Trevor is my dream boy. Our relationship would have never worked out if I ignored my life and depended on his to make me happy. We are coming up on 3 1/2 years and I swear I love this man more and more each and everyday.

Loving yourself is the most peaceful way of living. Guide your attention to yourself, my babes and then to everyone else. This is your only life, make it the best one. You owe it to yourself & some day you will find yourself a Trevor, too!

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You need to love yourself first before you can love someone else. 


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  1. connie kenyon says:

    Shylah, this is fabulous! You have always set your goals high and not only have you met each one, but far exceeded them all!!! Whether it is with your career, a healthy lifestyle or your relationship with the love of your life. They say the skies the limit, not true Shylah, you will go even beyond that, there is no limit on what you will accomplish. You are my breath, you are my heart, you are my life, you are my everything!!!

  2. Shylah says:

    You are my everything!! I love you so damn much!!